Without giving away all of my secrets and my entire life story. I want to first let everyone who is reading this blog know that whatever you are going through, things will change if you just believe. Everyone's circumstances are different, some situations maybe very serious and difficult to deal with but things can change if you let them.
Lets begin by saying this, I have been through a lot of pain throughout my adult life. A mental, physical and emotional strain has discouraged me in so many ways from doing the things I have always dreamt of. I met a lovely man when I was in my early twenties and formed a relationship with him almost immediately. No joke, we met one week and where inseparable around two to three weeks later. He even moved into my mothers house soon after and that was it from then. I came to realise that even though he was a nice guy he had a very difficult childhood and was emotionally unstable. I new from the early stages of us being together that things were not quite right as he became physically abusive. But I decided to stay as I told myself he would change. Well after two to three years together we had our first child and the problems became worse as he was unable to work due to his personal circumstances.
Thirteen years had past and we were still together even though I was unhappy and not the person I use to be. By then we now had three beautiful children and they were all I lived for. I was drained, totally exhausted and ready to give up, well that is what I was thinking. I actually had some suicidal thoughts but I was too scared to leave my children alone by being selfish and taking my own life because I was so unhappy. I really thought I was a failure and the only thing I had achieved in life was having three children. I had not achieved all the things I had hoped for as a youngster. I managed to have three amazing children that made me smile daily but everything else was non-existent. Well that is how I felt at the time because I had experienced so much abuse from my ex-partner. I had distance myself from my family and friends and I had a very low self-esteem. I was no longer the outgoing, fun, loving and caring person I use to be. I was now shy, reserved and scared of failing at everything in my life. I was ashamed of what I had become and thought there was no way my life could ever change and I believed that. At one point I thought my children would be better off without me. It sounds crazy now that I'm writing this but that was one the lowest points in my life.
Without exposing too much detail of my personal life, I was finally able to break free and start living my life again. With the help of good friends and a tremendous amount of personal development. I was able to uplift myself and get motivated to start to achieve my dreams. The number one thing that was really important in my recovery was to forgive myself and my ex-partner. We are actually good friends now, which does sound insane but he had his own demons in his life that needed to be destroyed and he was taking it all out on me. I needed to forgive him and myself for allowing it to reach that far. He is an amazing father to our children and I am happy that he is in my children's life. But we will never be in a relationship again and I am happy with that. It was a disastrous relationship and we were not right for each other but we created incredibly gorgeous children together.
Once I was able to forgive, I started to look deeply into myself and remember all the things I liked about myself. What is important to me and the things I've always wanted to do. I then realised that one thing I love to do is help people. I love to encourage, motivate and support people. It comes naturally to me and I find myself doing it when ever I'm around people. This gave me the idea of doing something that would change someone's life for the better. But I first had to learn how to love myself again and stop caring about what others thought of me. I had no choice but to work on dealing with my anxiety and stress related issues. I realised that I have always been a very reliable friend and someone that is very methodical and organised. It just clicked in my brain that what I needed to do was help others create a well organised life. So I started working on creating a company that will help declutter and organise lives, giving people and businesses the peace of mind they need.
Everyday I still have to motivate myself and reassure myself that I am worthy of all that my heart desires. Staying positive when something negative happens is always difficult. Yes, my mind still wonders to negative thoughts like "this is not going to work" or I'm scared that I will fail. So I have to remind myself of all the good things that could happen and face my fears head on. One thing that has helped me tremendously is affirmations, but I've had to plaster them on my walls to remind me everyday that I am worthy. I repeat them over and over again to penetrate my subconscious mind. I have also had to plan, practice and repeat things to create a habit. Habits don't just happen overnight, they come from repetition until they become second nature.
What I have learnt from this is that life is what you make it and we must enjoy and learn from the journey. It is not what happens to you, but how you deal with it that really counts.
Never Give Up!